Start of a New Year - Looking Back at Old Memories

Man, it's late.

Since a new year has begun, I was transferring pictures from my phone onto the computer and caught on to the "reminiscent mood". I started to look at... my ex-files (hahahaha). Of course I could only look through a couple of those things before I start cringing and click away.

Sometimes I wonder what it was between James and I. Or what the fuck he was even thinking. Guess it's probably better to just know he's a stupid boy.

It's funny. I saw Edward a couple of days ago at Lawrence's birthday thing. I felt a little awkward still, but I think that's just totally me. He's getting married! It's crazy to think that people around me are starting to get to that stage. Happy for him though.

When Michelle was talking about Kalvin last night and how she wanted to stay friends with him. It made me think about Charles. I want to see what he's up to.. but I'm not sure if we can be friends or not. I also feel like my window of opportunity for that has past and I don't want to be friends just because I want it.

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It's so funny going into my Xanga files to read through what I wrote (last entry was 2013). I was so freaking dramatic back then.. certain entries were so cryptic, that present me had no idea what the entry was about.

I did find a post that had evidence of manager D bullying me back during Chapter days. I totally wrote it out of my mind after he left and it wasn't triggered until that Organizational Behaviour class where people were sharing stories of bad job experiences.
When I brought it up at one of our Chapters dinner get-togethers, not a lot of people knew. Laura even asked if I told Ryan or brought it up with HR. If only I knew back then!

After reading a couple of posts... I realized my writing was not horrible back then. And it's getting REALLY bad right now. I have trouble spelling and stringing sentences together. I don't want to make another "I will write more" posts since I always do them. This is a "I should write more" post. Especially since my memory is so fucking shitty, I sort of need these to have something to reminisce.

It's The Little Achievements That Count: March2015

What I did:

• WTF: met up with Jason after a year of not seeing him
• kinda started running.. and doing sit ups.
• can finally (and positively) say: I'M OVER IT
• lived through a good portion of my group project... and didn't kill anyone

TREAT YO'SELF:

• I went out a lot this month...

If You Could Change The Past...

... I would change nothing.

Michelle and I were talking today and this came up as a topic.

Now, of course this isn't the first time, nor the last time this question will be asked. And not surprisingly I was thinking about this very question a few days ago. So I answered her the same way I came up with my answer:

I would not change a single thing.

Sure I regret things.. I could have been a better sister growing up, a better daughter, maybe I could have been nicer to that person..

I remember reading a short story in high school English class, called "A Sound of Thunder" (had to Google it: my memory isn't that good!!). Which talks about the butterfly effect.

So won't altering my past effect who I am today?

Would I not talk to someone and avoid being friends with them because we end up falling out? Would I not date someone because they broke my heart? Would I not be kind to someone because I know they will end up using me?

No.

Because even though I have regrets and painful memories... they are still memories, still experiences. I've learned from all of those things and they made me who I am today. They made me stronger, kinder and more appreciative of all the wonderful people around me.

So, no. I will not look back into the past to see what I COULD have changed. Those are the building blocks that became me.
And I am still building, there's so much future ahead! So much more to see and to try. With these, I'll try to become the best person I can be.

So bring it on life, I can take you.









(it's fucking 2AM.. and I don't know if I make any more sense. but screw editing)

It's The Little Achievements That Count: February2015

What I did:

• reorganized my bookshelf. so much room for more books!
• reorganized my closet and room. it feels so much more open now.
• started outsourcing my little snippets of thought to twitter
• gave my number out to a cute waiter! (it was so exhilarating! first time I did this ever)
• got contacts/recommendations for a tattoo place and a hair stylist
• mailed in my expiring scholarship form
• took myself (and my sister) to the adult's night at the aquarium

THIS MONTH WENT BY SO FASTTTTTTT

TREAT YO'SELF:

• bought a whole bunch of DVDs from Target. Especially the three seasons of Sherlock
• bought myself a pair of shoes
• new lipstick! (which I am totally in love with)

(I might have spoiled myself a little too much this month xD)

It's The Little Achievements That Count: January2015

I've thought a lot this month. And wanted to see what achievements I could accomplish in one month. No matter how small they were... I wanted to get something done. I also wanted to make sure I spoiled myself too. Why not make a reward for yourself right?

What I did:

• got to go back to school. woo?
• realized who the most important people to me are. who truly care and who to truly love. 
• realized that I only live for me. that my happiness is the most important
• hung out with a bunch of people who I have not seen in a while.
• had the most meaningful conversations
• ordered my highschool transcripts and working on my last scholarship monies

SPOILERS (the most important part):

• LOBSTER STICKY RICE with the best people on the planet. :)

Starting Again

"It's February and it might be too late to start New Year's resolutions, but I'm trying something else. I'm trying to see what sort of things I can achieve each month. To at least achieve one thing, no matter how small. Also, I've always found that writing what I think/feel helps me de-stress, just lately I've thrown it under a rug.

I've had a blog once and I've stopped doing that... it's stupid but it was because I had gotten myself a boyfriend and tell him everything and thought it redundant to say things twice. I had physically written in a journal - the things that I couldn't (or didn't want to) tell the boy.. but I've never given myself time to write. I always wrote on transit and then when I got home, I didn't want to write anymore. My entry for one day would span out into a week and whatever I wrote wouldn't even matter anymore.

So. Now that it's a new year, I figured I would try to start this again. This is something I've always had and somewhere along the way I lost it.

I'm making this year about me. I'm going to find things I've lost, things that are most important to me, the things I want. This is me."

This was copied from the blog that I started last week. I think I'll keep one for public viewing and one for me. :)